I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
