I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
