Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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