I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
