I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
