at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
