brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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