If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
