Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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