$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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