i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
