I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
