Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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