I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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