I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
