so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
