For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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