ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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