I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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