Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
