There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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