I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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