I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
