he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
