What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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