My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
