I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
