Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
