my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
