Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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