well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
