i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
