can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
