i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
