I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
