i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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