Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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