singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't notice because vodka
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
