wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
