I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
