If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
