That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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