just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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