I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
