I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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