did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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