I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
being pregnant is like rehab
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
