I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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