I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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