the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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