its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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