you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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