I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
