If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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