You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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