it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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