Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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