I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
