Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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