I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
