tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
