one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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