tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
