i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
