My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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