I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
