So drunk its hurt
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
