Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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