Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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