Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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